There are Friends and then there are friends. But how do we know who they are?
There are going to be times in your life when people are looking for support from you and there are going to be times when you are looking for support from them.
In your life you are going to have storms, those times that make you face something that you have been avoiding, but who is going to be around you when you are facing those times.
I have found through my life that the people who I really thought were my friends, well, they really weren’t.
When I turned to them for help or told them that I was going through a tough time, well they were nowhere to be found, so then what is the best thing for me to do.
You shift, always shift your attention, to people who you can rely on.
I often hear people say, “I don’t have anyone around me who cares, I feel all alone.”
But I just don’t think that they are looking in the right place. Maybe the people who are currently in their life aren’t the right people.
Think about it, when you were in school, think of the friends that you had then. Now are you connected with those people or did you go in different directions?
3-5% is the number of people in this world who are still friends with those that they went to school with.
But for some reason, when we get into adulthood, we feel that the people that we have in our lives, now, should be there forever.
We have made or make our kids make new friends when they have to go to a new school or start a group or something.
But as an adult we have a job or living in the same place for years and only connect with the same people.
Why is it so hard for us as adults to get out of the comfort zone and meet new people?
Fear of the unknown, being disliked, or even fear of change is what is stopping you to make that leap to get to know new people.
I know, it is definitely easier for others to meet people, but you have to push through that.
Last week we have finally found the perfect city for us to live in and it wasn’t moose jaw, sorry people who are there, it is way to cold.
But I went to a soccer drop in, yup I am a huge soccer player. I didn’t know anyone, and usually at these there are maybe 7-10 people, from my past experience, but on this occasion well that was really different. There was 25+ people there, wow can you say jumping right into it.
Yes, I will admit I was nervous about meeting new people, I had the monkey chatter going on.
“What if they don’t like me”
“What if I say something and they ask me to leave”
“What iF…….
“What if……
I could what if myself for ever, but you know what, it was a great experience, I meet some cool people, who were fun to be around.
I had to take a chance, I had to get out of my comfort zone.
Here is the thing too, I was just me, I didn’t go off and tell them I am living with PTSD or I have been through things.
I have heard stories of people who feel that they should tell others that they meet that they are living with PTSD, that is so not true.
The people close to you may know and when you get to know people it might come out and you can express, but most people in this world are very compassionate people and they aren’t thinking whatever you think they are thinking.
So, why haven’t you gone out and found a new connection of people? What is stopping you?
Right now, are you in a place where people don’t understand what you are going through or how you are feeling on a daily basis.
Here is the thing, people aren’t comfortable with change, especially when you change, and it affects their lives.
They try to not believe it or say that it isn’t true, because in their reality, what you are going through and who you are becoming, isn’t normal and it affects them.
They try to lower your feeling, saying that you shouldn’t be feeling what you are feeling.
But what they are really doing is focusing on them and their needs, and it isn’t a bad thing, they just have a normal for them, something that is comfortable in their lives. The way that you were before your event that caused you to be diagnosed with PTSD was the way that they think about you and for some people that you can’t change.
Don’t ever take someone else’s feelings towards you as a negative thing, you have done
nothing wrong, they are just not adjusting their life to who you are now with the disorder.
That is why sometimes it is time to adjust your friends and find the ones that are going to raise you up, to understand that you are just going through a phase in your life and growing into a new person.
Trust me, you are not who you used to be, now that you have gone through the event or the experience you are no longer going to be who you were, you just aren’t.
But the person that you are going to become is going to be stronger and have more wisdom in them.
You have to find people that are going to raise you and move to that standard with you. The people who are currently in your life are either going to grow with you or have to be limited or eliminated from your life.
That is just the way it has to be.
Now you have to make a hard choice.
Who needs to be either eliminated or limited to your life, who is not helping you to grow into who are you are going to be now?
This isn’t going to be an easy decision because what you have gone through comfort is also a good thing and being comfortable with the people that you have always had around is a nice thing.
Listen though, you have been through something, and now you have a choice to make, stay in the presence of the past, or move yourself forward to the person that you want to become.
Sometimes those who you love aren’t going to join that journey with you, sometimes those people are going to bring you down not build you up.
But it will be up to you to make the decisions, the hard choice.
I will ask you to do just one thing, be selfish.
Think about what is best for you and your growth right now, not those people around you, not those who are keeping you stuck.
You really need to just be thinking about you and how you can get yourself past what you are going through, think about the steps that you need to take to move yourself in to recover or growth mode, because if you don’t you are going to move down a very narrow, path that is going to end at rock bottom.
It’s always easier to squash a problem when it is small, than if it were to be huge, so time to squash.
Final thoughts, let’s do some brain storming.
Where could you meet new people, that are going to assist in moving your life forward?
Are you a sports person, maybe you could do drop -in or join a different league?
Have you tried the Meet- up site, and find local groups in your area?
It will all come down to what you want to do in your life and where you want to go.
Make the decision today to grow and move your life forward,
Don’t ever forget that what you went through was a tragic situation, but you are able to grow from it, you just need to believe in yourself
When you believe that you are able to grow that is the first step in your healing process. So, begin today to believe and make the moves that you need to.
Don’t forget to subscribe and like this podcast, so that you can learn different ideas every week of how to live with your PTSD.
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